on the roof

I think I have a pretty interesting job... planning and executing some pretty amazing events...

NOTHING prepared me for the past 2 days...

About 6 months ago, I heard we were having a site visit for an event for Special Olympics... and this was no ordinary event! Since we have one of the most unique buildings in St. Louis, we get a lot of strange requests.. but this was the first time we had anyone request to rappel of the roof...

yes... RAPPEL off the roof!!

Fast forward 6 months..

after lots of meetings.. details.. specifications, Over the Edge was a go!!! Thursday was media/VIP day and Friday we had 77 participants eager to go right over the edge - and one of them was NOT going to be me! You see, I've had an uneasiness ~because I wouldn't call it a full blown phobia~ with heights for a few years now.

Because of what I do, and because I had worked with the commitee through all of the planning, I was able to be right there on the roof taking pictures as our GM went right over the edge... I have to admit, it was pretty cool to see everyone on the ground extremely excited about what they'd done. I got some great pics of everyone and was looking forward to being in the middle of it all on friday... and then the offer came - they had an open spot.. did I want to go? over the edge?!?! ME?!?! I thought about it for quite some time - because I certainly couldn't commit and then chicken out, NO WAY, I had to be 100% sure that I was going to follow through.. and what a pit I had in my stomach.. but there was something else... the feeling that this was something that I needed to do and more important, I really WANTED to do.

As I was driving to work Friday, crossing the MLK bridge, the building seemed bigger and taller than it ever had before, I could literally picture the angel/devil on my shoulders, each pleading their case... as I drove in the parking lot, a crowd was already gathering. I stopped on my way to look up... the building wasn't any smaller close up! I got to registration.. checked in and got harnessed up... I went through the lobby and all of the staff was wishing me luck.. high fiving me.. cheering me on. I walked the path that I had worked to set up the day before and started the forward motion... training was great, the guys included some of the best firefighters ever were right there encouraging me every step of the way. As I finished my training, I really felt comfortable... like I could really do this. I found myself getting more and more excited as I took the elevator up to the 19th floor and made that last trek to the rooftop. I watched a few others go over and then it was my turn... hmmmm...

WHY did i think this was a good idea? I was SERIOUSLY going to rappel 289 feet?

as I stepped on to the ledge, my heart started pounding... much harder than it had been...I went through the harness check, was completely attached all I had to do was swing my legs over and....

what an amazing feeling... in so many ways! knowing that I pushed myself way beyond my comfort zone to do something like this was incredible! The sense of accomplishment as well as the pure adrenaline rush was so worth it...

let's try this again

it seems like forever since i've logged in, much less written anything.

i've noticed that a common theme in my posts is "i can't believe how time flies!"

and that started me thinking about how true that statement is, and i started to wonder how much i'm missing as time is flying right by.

i've always had both eyes open when it comes to my career.. the long hours, late nights and stretches with barely a day off, it was just what i did... it's my job.. all in a days work.... the tipping of the scales never bothered me.....

until now.

and then i started thinking about how to fix it.. if i COULD fix it... and i realized how much of what i do is my own doing.. it's not just about the long hours... late nights and stretches... it's about me and how i create the long hours.. and how i can't just simply turn it all off and tip the scales the other way...

anyone... anyone... Bueller??

evolution

it's amazing to me how time flies.. 

i just realized that it's been forever and ever since i updated... so much had been going on, new job **not so new anymore** so i can't use that excuse anymore!  

the holidays are a crazy time in my industry and this has been no exception.. we all look forward to january when we can take a little breather, but it didn't seem to happen this time, the crazy pace continues.  i have been fortunate though,  i have had the time to spend with my family, i've actually had quite few weekends off,  in fact it's been really nice and it makes up for the weeks when i'm working non stop, right through the weekend.  

and here it is... MARCH... and now it's all getting ready to change!  i looked at my calendar at work, and it's gearing up to be quite the busy season - so at this point - i'll take it where i can get it!  i'm happy to spend my time at home... cooking and just enjoying the fact that i'm at home... it was never that way before.. but now.. something's changed.. it used to be i'd try to cram everything i imagined that i was missing into my weekends.. like i was making up for lost time somehow... but now.. i find that i WANT to be home... WANT to be cooking and just hanging out with my family... 

there's something to be said for being still...

you don't need eyes to see... you need vision...

i'm having one of those moments of clarity that people often talk about...

my dear friend elizabeth just lost her mom after a battle with lung and brain cancer... it's something that i haven't had to face as of yet and really can't imagine going through what she has.. 

all through this journey... we've talked... had dinner.. had drinks... she never brought drama around what she was going through...she was the same beautiful.. strong woman that i've grown to count as one of my dearest friends... she spent time with her mom.. real time.. talking... and just being together.. doing what mattered...

she sent an email today that was simply amazing and touched me in a way that reached to my soul... she talked about the last days that she spent with her mom and the conversations they had... and about what really defines happiness ... it's something that will stay with me, deep in my heart as i continue on this journey... 

and now, this evening elizabeth sent a link to a local paper that did a wonderful article on her mother - and as i read about this amazing woman... who had such an amazing life...

i had to share a part of the article because it's so powerful..

"But truth be told, she traveled as often as she could with or without companions. It was through  her travels - to Mexico, Spain, Portugal, Greece and the Southwest - that she was able to indulge one of her passions: collecting folk art.

As a young woman traveling in Spain, she garnered more than artifacts. That was  where she met her former husband, a matador, while tooling around Seville in her Buick convertible.

"She loved him very much," said her daughter Elizabeth.

"The two moved to New York City briefly, and later to St. Louis, but of course my father could not be a bull fighter in the U.S., so he returned to Spain when I was a little girl. They corresponded well into the '90s. I spoke with him after my mother passed and I was both surprised and touched to hear my father heartsick at the loss of my mother."

She became a working single mother at a time when that was rare."My mother was not limited by the times," she said. "As a single mother who was self-employed, she was an excellent role model of how to do everything, how to take care of yourself and others around you, how to be resilient and how to bounce back. She was a strong, independent woman who had such passion and conviction for things that it was infectious"

as i read that... it became so clear to me... 

i'm sad to say that i never had the pleasure of knowing elizabeth's mom... of meeting her.. talking with her... but in elizabeth.. i see what incredible gifts that her mother gave her... 

luli... you are a strong.. independent woman who has such passion and conviction for things.. it is infectious...

coming full circle...

my mom comes from a big giant italian family... and i do mean italian... my grandpa sam, who passed away when my mom was about 4 years old, came here from sicily when he was 19 years old, and my grandma josie, who was the first generation born here had 5 sisters...my mom has 2 sisters and a brother, but on the other end of the family tree, my dad is an only child... so growing up was an interesting balance of being one of 14 cousins on one side ... and being one of two grandkids on the other.. luckily, we spent a lot of time with both my italian grandma who lived on the hill and my dads parents who lived about 5 minutes away from us.. 

every other sunday, we'd pack up and head to the hill to grandma's house - it was my grandma's way of keeping the family connected..

it was quite an experience.... 

everyone had their specific "seats" ...  they would all sit around my grandma's kitchen table and share stories... memories... and of course all of the latest gossip... 

to this day, i have no idea how that many people fit in the kitchen of that little shotgun house!!!  grandma would have the italian cookies on trays and the coffee brewing... 

it was there i learned how to listen - and follow(!) about 5 different conversations... all happening at the same time(!)...a skill that i still appreciate and use on a daily basis...  i'd hang with my cousins.. we'd eat way too many cookies, drink coffee... yes.. my grandma believed that babies should go straight from sippie cup to the coffee cup....and of course a good part of our day was spent trying to figure out exactly WHAT the aunts were saying and WHO they were saying it about because the italian was flying fast and furious.. it was crazy... and loud... 

...as time went on...the numbers on those sunday afternoons grew smaller... cousins had dates.. and parties.. and other obligations... the time spent together was fewer and far between...  we were all getting married... having our own families and starting our own traditions... except for the occasional party someone would have to celebrate an anniversary... graduation, holiday or another special event... it seemed like the only time we were all together was either at a wedding or unfortunately a funeral...

but in the past few years... something has shifted...

there have been a lot of weddings lately... all of our kids are now at the age where they're moving forward... getting married... starting their own traditions... 

all of these weddings are giving all of us a chance to really connect again... to sit around a big table and trade stories... and it's funny...as we talk... the memories we have are so similar... 

the cookies... the coffee.. the sunday evening card games... the fast and furious italian..

the fact that our family was so big... that we needed to rent a hall for christmas so we could all be together.. and the FOOD... my grandma and her sisters would spend days getting ready for the christmas eve and christmas day meals... 

i've come to realize that we've come full circle...

i used to think that going to grandma's was an obligation... something that i had to do because my mom said so...  i'm so grateful that my grandparents taught my parents the importance of family... and from a very early age...our parents did the same for us... and now, as i move through my life, i've come to realize what an incredible gift they gave all of us...

passing the torch...

for the past few years, thanksgiving in la vida loca has been pretty scattered at best.... because of the industry i'm in... i've spent about the past 5 years working on thanksgiving...

we always did a big thanksgiving day show at the tv station i worked on, so the day before was spent prepping all of the goodies for the show... i had to be at there at about 6am to get ready for our broadcast and usually didn't finish until about 11am, by then, i had been cooking for 2 days and really didn't feel like cooking again when i got home... 

then of course working in the hotel business meant a big thanksgiving celebration... for everyone else!  

i was home on thanksgiving last year...but then it was jim's turn to work... he had a charter in the BVI and left at about 4am on thanksgiving morning... i wasn't too bummed because i got on a plane the day after at 6am with 2 friends to join the group... who needs black friday shopping when you have a 51 ft. sailboat waiting for you in paradise!!! 

fast forward to thanksgiving 2008 and everyone is home... happy and hungry!!  for the first time in a long time, i was really looking forward to the holiday.... 

i planned a fantastic menu... 

...and then something really amazing happened...

     three generations of foodies... my dad was a butcher..

there's another cook in chefgirl's kitchen!!!  

cam worked with me for 4 days... doing everything from peeling potatoes and roasting butternut squash... to making creme brulee, chocolate pecan pie and butternut squash risotto from start to finish...

 **with a little guidance from chefmom**

it's the most amazing thing to see your passion through your child's eyes... cam is growing into a real foodie... it's always such a pleasure to share a great meal with him...but to have him next to me in the kitchen... watching... working and learning... well.. it's something that i can't really describe...

taking a time out...

i was trying to engineer our weekend as i was driving home from work on thursday talking to jim... what to do??? where to go???   did we want to go to "A" or "B" because if we went to "B" then we wouldn't have to go to "C" on saturday night.. but if we went to "A" then we'd have to go to both "B" and "C".... and then that would involve a party on friday night as well... 

and as i finally took a breath, i could hear **YES.. HEAR** the faraway glazed look in my husbands eyes...  

and then the conversation went something like this...

jim -  "why do we HAVE to do anything?"

marianne - "what do you mean not DO anything???  i work all week.. lots of late nights... lots of events and i want to enjoy my weekend.."

jim - "EXACTLY!"

talk about perspective...   game, set and match to the hubby!

and it's so true... what was i thinking??  my days are most weeknights are so structured and scheduled and here i was trying to do the same to my weekend...packing so much into my precious time off, that i really never enjoy just being...

so this weekend.. we decided to just go with the flow... cam was with his dad, so we decided to throw any kind of agenda out the window... 

and what a great weekend it was...

from the mexican dinner on friday... to the party at the lake on saturday night.. it was a blast..

but.. nothing compared to taking off in the convertible... driving along the bluffs in illinois to catch the ferry to st. genevive and meeting friends at chaumette winery... the weather was gorgeous.. the music great and being with good friends the best... we had a table on the hillside overlooking the vineyards... everyone brought amazing food to share... 

there's something about sitting around a big table on a beautiful day to bring just going with the flow into perspective....

EXACTLY!!!